Dear David
by Linneagb
Summary: In the future, David Karofsky decides to write a letter to his younger self. Oneshot. A/N: Belated birthday present for Umbrella0326
**This is a birthday present for Umbrella0326. Although it is a very, very, very, very late one. His birthday was almost a month and a half ago. Oh well, Umbrella. This one's for you. I hope you like it.**

Dear David

Paul David Karofsky- I know everything about who you are.

One of the things I know is that you hate people using your full name like that. That you hate being reminded that using it, people will ALWAYS think that Paul is the one you're called by. It doesn't matter much. But it's just annoying.

Neither do you like people using your full name since it reminds you that you are named after your dad. And I know you think he is very much a better person than you are. I know you think that he has got big expectations on you to do well. And be the good boy you used to be before- and the one he thinks you are

 _I know you think that your dad thinks you are a disappointment._

I know that you feel lonely. That you're in a dark hospital room in the middle of the room. I know that you're crouched beneath the thin blanket. I know that you're glancing towards the lights from the hallway. I know that there are windows in the wall for the hospital staff to be able to keep an eye on you.

I know you think that despite the dimmed light in the hallway. That it's way too dark and the shadows seem to grow bigger and darker by the second. I know that you long for your home. Your own room and your own bed. I know you long for your mum. But that that thought makes you feel even lonelier and nothing less- more miserable.

 _I know you think that your mum thinks you are a disappointment_

I know you were outed at your school. I know they threw insults after you- the same insults as you would throw after Kurt Hummel for God knows how long. And I know you feel more miserable than ever knowing that Kurt took it for so long and you couldn't even stand one day of it.

In the dark of that hospital room your brain is filling up with one memory after the other. I know you feel worse than ever for all the people you have hurt. Kurt Hummel, Burt Hummel, your dad, your mum- everyone that's ever been around you seem to have hurt.

I know you were hurting too. People have different ways to deal with a living hell and the thing is simple. Some people do it by giving that hell to other people too. I know you hate yourself for doing it.

 _I wish I could show you that it's okay_

I wish I could let you know that you've accepted your past instead of trying to change or forget it. I wish I could show you that there's no point with remembering and regretting- you can't change it. But that's okay- because I now have been able to accept what happened then and instead of holding onto the past. I'm heading towards the future.

 _I wish I could tell you that one of these days you will be able to forgive yourself._

I know that the memories of what has happened in the past makes you more than ever trying to live with making people happy and making sure to live by their expectations. Because they have major expectations right? And this time you need to be good enough for them.

 _I wish I could show you that what you expect of other people to expect of you. Are actually only expectations you have on yourself._

I know you think that you can't live by people's expectations. I know you think that people should hate you. I even know that it doesn't feel like anyone should ever forgive you for what you did. And that nobody's ever going to love you.

 _And I wish I could show you the person that hates you the most for the times you couldn't be 'good enough', is only yourself._

I know that the person you think should hate you the most- Kurt Hummel's been there. That he told you about your future. I know he stated that years and years in the future. You will be a successful sports' agent with a handsome husband and a young son. He said one of these days you're taking your son to his first very- real football game and I know that Kurt said that today you shall say 'I'm so happy right now'

 _I wish I could show you that Kurt was right_

 _Well, to big parts at least_

You do have a very handsome husband, and today you are leaving for taking your child to his very first football game- and yes, you are a successful sports agent and you are very happy right now. Happier than you can remember having been ever before- but the most important part of that is because it's not exactly child- it's children. Twins!

They're three years old. One boy and one girl, Jonah- the boy, have got spiked up brown hair and always the same (sometimes very annoying) look on his face as if he's just played the biggest prank ever and is just waiting for someone to find out what (guess how?) And Hailey- the girl have got these curls that are just so, so beautiful and oh my lord! You will have just as much trouble with keeping them away from her eyes as she does because there is just no control over that kind of hair.

I could tell you all the thousands of bedtime stories you have told the twins. I could tell you how it feels falling asleep next to the one you love. I could tell you how you will smile as soon as you hear the names of your family members. I could tell you that sitting in your office chair at work, you just can't wait for the day to be over so you can go back to be with the people you love the very most- more than you could ever imagine.

I could also tell you about the temper tantrums of two toddlers. I could tell you of how the first year will be all sleepless nights. I could tell you about stuffed noses and coughs. I could tell you about sprained wrists and itchy mosquito bites. I could tell you about the false singing of two three year olds dressed up as Anna and Elsa from Frozen. Yep- I could also tell you exactly how much those songs will drive you mad after hearing them a thousand times a day for a year- and who knows how much longer.

 _Yes, I could tell you exactly everything!_

But the thing is, if you change as much as a single little thing of the past the future might be all changed. And where I am right now- next to my husband who keeps on babbling on about God knows what. And our children playing Frozen around you- I do not want anything to change. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole wide world.

So that's why I'm going to end this letter without telling you anything. I won't tell you I know where you are right now. That's why I won't let you know about your husband, or about the twins. I won't tell you their names are Jonah and Hailey. Because honestly, those three months you spent trying to find the right names were quite interesting.

No, I won't even tell you it does get better. But that's mostly because that's one of those things that cannot be believed only by something saying it. If I said it would, you could try your very hardest to believe it.

I would say- believe me. It does get better. Because it did. But I won't say it, because you're going to have to learn it yourself and be there to see it- live through it and see how it's going to get better to believe it. So that's why I'm not going to tell you that- and that is why I'm not going to tell you anything. For everything to end up like it is now.

 _I'm so happy right now_

Sincerely

Your future self

Paul David Karofsky

 **So, that's it. I hope you liked that. Thanks for taking your time. And if you would like to tell me- I would like to know what you thought.**

 **Random fact**

Did you notice Dave's husband's name is never mentioned. He's not even described. So why did I do it like that? I did that because then all of you can imagine him being with whoever you want- you whom like him with Blaine can imagine his husband being Blaine. You whom would like Dave with Kurt can imagine his husband being Kurt, or Sebastian or an OC or anyone else you could imagine him with. You could even make Dave's husband an imaginary one if you so would like.


End file.
